I wrote this poem about my infertility struggle on June 12, 2008. I got pregnant a week later with our first baby, which I later miscarried.
I’ve never published this or shown it to anyone other than my husband until now.

Childless Mother
by Jenn Rian
She is empty, She is hollowed out
Dry and solitary internal drought
Empty womb, empty soul
Partial woman not yet whole
Empty arms, empty heart
Fragile soul torn apart
A time to be hopeful, a celebration of love
Greatest gift sent from above
No longer overjoyed
Excitement is becoming void
Time…an aggressive enemy
Patience…a distant memory
Poison named anticipation
Disappointing revelation
Mocking rounded bellies and smiling faces
Make way for newer empty spaces
Blessed ones untouched by this invisible pain
No beautiful words could ever explain
Embraced by envy, the secret twin
She tries to strangle one within
Will she ever have happiness for a fruitful other
A heart broken woman, a childless mother

Read The Short Version of our infertility story, or for the whole story read:
*Part 1: Trying to Conceive: Take 1
*Part 2: My First Pregnancy
*Part 3: My Miscarriage
*Part 4: Trying to Conceive: Take 2
*Part 5: Trying to Conceive: Take 3 Secondary Infertility
*Spring Ahead: Reflections on Miscarriage
*Celebrate Your Name Week: Jordan: Why we named the baby we miscarried
*National Infertility Awareness Week
*Childless Mother: Infertility Poem You are here!