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Don’t Ignore the Signs of Infertility: What to do if you think you’re infertile
If you’ve found this blog post through a search engine, then it’s likely you found me because you or someone close to you is having trouble getting pregnant. First let me express how sorry I am that you’re having these troubles. I’ve been there and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I hope that you’re able to conceive a healthy baby very soon 🙂 If you would like to learn more about my personal struggle with infertility and miscarriage you can read about it here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, and Part 6
You’ve been trying to conceive and have so far been unsuccessful. You think that there might be a problem. Don’t ignore the signs of infertility. What should you do if you think you may be infertile?
Are you infertile?
Infertility:
*The couple has not conceived after 12 months of contraceptive-free intercourse if the female is under the age of 34.
*The couple has not conceived after 6 months of contraceptive-free intercourse if the female is over the age of 35.
(Some exceptions are made despite age if the woman has a history of irregular cycles or other issues.)
Sources:
Womenshealth.gov / Dr. Oz / Pregnancy etc / Moms Who Think
What to do if you think you’re infertile
If you’re very concerned and are really ready to take some action now, my advice would be:
1. Make an appointment with an urologist right away: Most urologists will do the Semen Analysis regardless of how long you’ve been trying and without any recommendation from an OB. Have your husband get a SA and maybe a Prostate Exam done. I recommend getting the SA through the urologist vs the OB as they’re much more experienced in handling the “man stuff”. My husband had the test done twice, once at the ob and once at the urologist, and we found the urologist to be much more helpful and informative regarding the SA.
2. Make an appointment with your regular OBGYN for 2-3 months from now. You can let them know ahead of time that you wish to discuss trying to conceive and potential infertility.
3. For the next 2-3 months do an ovulation predictor kit (they tell you to stop testing once you detect the LH Surge…but I say, keep taking the test until you run out of pee sticks!) and keep track of the beginning and end of your cycle and maybe your mucus ( 😉 fun, fun!)
4. Forget about charting your temperatures if you haven’t been charting them already. You need to chart temps for an extended period of time in order to detect a pattern. If you have already been charting temps but it’s stressing you out..stop. Many doctors aren’t concerned with your temp charts anyway (some won’t even look at them).
5. Familiarize yourself with the infertility tests that I’ve mentioned below. The more knowledgeable you are on the subject, the tests, and your options, the more likely it is that the doctor will take your concerns seriously and you won’t feel as overwhelmed when they’re explaining tests and options to you at your appointment.
6. Familiarize yourself with the forms of treatment that may be necessary if a problem is found (such as Clomid, IVF, etc.) and have a discussion with your husband. What are the two of you willing to do, how far are you willing to go, and how long are you willing to try? This way if you’re involved in treatment you know when to tell the doctor “no” to certain options and that you’d rather try something else. You and your husband need to be on the same page so that it doesn’t cause more stress if one of you has had enough.
7. Tell your OBGYN your concerns and request urine and blood tests (and a SA if you didn’t get it done at the urologist). After that you and your doctor can decide if you want to continue any further testing. If you want tests, I’m pretty sure that they can’t deny you if you ask for them. The tests can be done by a regular OBGYN. You shouldn’t need a fertility doctor unless you are undergoing certain kinds of treatment. Typically if a problem is found after one test, they’ll work on that issue before moving on to any other testing.
If you have not yet been trying to conceive for year and the doctors refuse to do anything until then, you have two options:
1. Wait until it’s been a year
2. Continue to seek out different doctors.
Starting the dialogue with your doctor and completing some of the less invasive testing can help get you a head start if you’re still experiencing problems at the one year mark.
Infertility Testing
I have personally had all of the below tests done except for #5 and #6 (and 2, of course, since that was hubby’s test). You can read more about that here
Here’s a list with links about different infertility testing
1. Blood and urine tests for you more here and here
(To see if you’re ovulating and check different hormone levels)
2. Semen Analysis (SA) and Prostate Exam for your husband
(An infected prostate can lower sperm count. This can be corrected with some antibiotics and may also require a slight change in diet.)
3. Endometrial Biopsy
(Where they scrape out a sample of uterine lining for testing)
4. Hysterosalpingogram
(An x-ray where they shoot dye through your fallopian tubes to see if there’s any blockage)
5. Post-coital Test (PCT)
(I recommend getting the SA results before the PCT as it won’t make much difference if you’re working with unhealthy sperm)
6. Laparoscopy
(Should be “last resort” testing after all others)
If someone close to you is struggling to conceive, I urge you to educate yourself on infertility, the tests, the problems, the treatments (What is infertility?) . This will make it easier to understand what your loved one is talking about and hopefully help you to relate to their situation a little better.
(About NIAW)
To learn more about my personal struggle with infertility read
the short version, or for the whole story read:
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, and Part 6
*Infertility Myth Busted: Just Relax!
*Childless Mother: Infertility Poem
*Trying to Conceive: Take 1
*My First Pregnancy
*My Miscarriage
*Trying to Conceive: Take 2
*Trying to Conceive: Take 3 Secondary Infertility
*Spring Ahead: Reflections on Miscarriage
*Celebrate Your Name Week: Jordan:
Why we named the baby we miscarried
*My Mother’s Day Gift
*National Infertility Awareness Week 2011
National Infertility Awareness Week
It’s National Infertility Awareness Week and Cesarean Awareness Month. Normally I try to keep things light-hearted and fun-focused around here but these are two issues that are important to me. I have personally struggled with primary and secondary infertility and have experienced both a cesarean birth and a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC). Last year I shared my infertility story and this week I will be sharing a little more about infertility. I will also be sharing both of my children’s birth stories this week.
This week April 22-April 28 is National Infertility Awareness Week.
Why should you be aware of infertility? Because there’s at least one person that you know that has struggled with infertility or suffered a miscarriage or infant loss. It’s much more common than people think. People don’t know what to say when they hear that a couple “can’t get pregnant” and more often than not they say the wrong thing. “It’ll happen”, “Just be patient”, “Try to relax”, “You can have my kids ;)!”, “You have plenty of time”. Learning more about infertility can help you to be more sensitive to those who are struggling. If you educate yourself on the issue then you can possibly be a source of help and comfort to a hurting couple rather than another source of pain. Women (and men) struggling with infertility can feel very isolated and even embarrassed and it’s time that it’s brought out into the light where hopefully we’ll find compassion and support.
If someone close to you is struggling to conceive, I urge you to educate yourself on infertility, the tests, the problems, and the treatments. This will make it easier to understand what your loved one is talking about and hopefully help you to relate to their situation a little better. It’s time that we stop ignoring infertility!
What is infertility? / About NIAW
To learn more about my personal struggle with infertility read
the short version, or for the whole story read:
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, and Part 6
Related Posts:
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“Just relax!” What NOT to say to infertile couples!
April 24-April 30, 2011 is National Infertility Awareness Week and I’ll be busting the infertility myth: If you just relax, you will get pregnant!
(Find my submission link here.)
You’re having trouble getting pregnant? That’s any easy one…just relax.
DO NOT SAY THIS TO A COUPLE TRYING TO CONCEIVE…UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
Very few people are setting out to purposely offend or hurt the feelings of people who are having trouble conceiving, yet they don’t understand that this is one of the absolute most insensitive things that they can say. Whether a couple has been trying 3 months or 3 years…don’t tell them to relax! Even if they handle it with grace I can tell you with certainty that it hurt them, or at the very least, annoyed them.
Before we got pregnant the first time we had been “trying” for 4 ½ years. Although I was aware of the fact that we weren’t getting pregnant it wasn’t something that I continuously thought about or worried about. It wasn’t until about 2 years in that I really started to become concerned…and sad. When we conceived our first child and later that same year, our daughter, I can guarantee you that we were not anymore relaxed at the time than we had been previously. In fact we were certainly much more stressed out then we were at the beginning of the journey 4 ½ years prior. If all that I needed to do was to relax and not think about it…then we would’ve gotten pregnant right away. Everyone would, right? Because most people don’t start trying thinking, “This isn’t going to work. Something’s wrong.” It usually takes at least a few months of trying before you start to think something is wrong.
Stress certainly doesn’t help infertility and it’s true that it can make things worse. Even if you truly think they need to relax…don’t say it! Think about it. When has there ever been a situation where you told a person to relax or calm down and they said, “Gee, thanks, I never thought of that before. Wow, I feel better.” I would guess never. Infertility aside, whenever my husband tells me to relax or calm down he knows there’ll be a remote control hurling towards his head. It’s something he never says to me anymore. If you really think that relaxing will help…then show them, don’t tell them. Pay for them to have a massage, clean up their house, take them some nice meals, give them some relaxing music to listen to…but please, don’t ever tell them to “just relax”!
It’s hard to relax when you’re alone in the bathroom staring at the blood on your panties for yet another month. It’s hard to relax when you only see one line…again. It’s hard to relax when your feet are in stirrups for yet another test. It’s hard to relax when another Mother’s Day comes and goes. It’s hard to relax when you get another invitation to a baby shower. It’s hard to relax when everywhere you turn you’re met by a rounded belly or table of tiny onesies. It’s hard to relax when people younger than you and older than you and fatter than you and thinner than you and sicker than you and healthier than you are all getting pregnant and you’re not.
Do you know what else makes it difficult to relax? People that don’t understand what you’re going through. People that have the best intentions but say insensitive things in their ignorance. People that don’t know what to say, so they say the wrong thing. People that would rather hear themselves giving you unsolicited advice rather than listen to you try to explain your pain. People who don’t stop and think before they speak.
“Just relax” has a twin…“You’re trying too hard.”
What does that even mean? Exactly what is the definition of “trying too hard”?
Is it having ridiculous amounts of s-x? Because I guarantee you that there are many people out there (who aren’t even trying to get pregnant) that are having way more s-x than me! Is it charting basal body temperatures? I’ve never charted my temps. Not even once. Is it obsessively taking ovulation tests? In the 5 years of my life that I’ve spent trying to get pregnant I’ve probably only taken about 5 ovulation tests. That’s only one a year…hardly excessive. Is it tracking your cycle on a calendar? Many women track their periods…some for pregnancy prevention as much as the opposite. Even without it, it only takes a little math to figure out when you’re supposed to ovulate…so as long as you’re aware that you started your period (and come on…who isn’t?), then you can still track your ovulation.
So what exactly is it that we’re doing that is “trying to hard”?! Nothing. Yet it doesn’t stop people from telling me that.
So what can you say to someone who’s having trouble conceiving?
“I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I’ll be praying for you. I’ll be here for you if you need anything.”
That’s it. Simple, honest, to the point. No unsolicited advice, no “it’ll happen” promises, no insensitive remarks. Just let them know that you can see that they are hurting and that you are hurting with them.
If someone close to you is struggling to conceive, I urge you to educate yourself on infertility, the tests, the problems, the treatments (What is infertility?) . This will make it easier to understand what your loved one is talking about and hopefully help you to relate to their situation a little better.
If you are struggling to conceive and are being met with insensitive comments…just relax and take a deep breath and think twice before you haul off and hit them ;).
Read The Short Version of our infertility story, or for the whole story read:
*Part 1: Trying to Conceive: Take 1
*Part 2: My First Pregnancy
*Part 3: My Miscarriage
*Part 4: Trying to Conceive: Take 2
*Part 5: Trying to Conceive: Take 3 Secondary Infertility
*National Infertility Awareness Week
*Childless Mother: Infertility Poem
*Spring Ahead: Reflections on Miscarriage
*Celebrate Your Name Week: Jordan: Why we named the baby we miscarried
Our Infertility Story: The Short Version
Here’s the short version of the story:
*January 2004:
I stopped taking the birth control pill after a year and three months of use.
*December 2007:
After 3 years 5 months of ttc, an endometrial biopsy, hysterosalpingogram, numerous blood tests, ultrasounds, and home ovulation tests for me and two semen analysis for my husband we’re diagnosed with “unexplained infertility”.
*June 2008:
Start using Crinone progesterone gel for a potential Luteal Phase Defect.
*June 2008:
Got pregnant.
*August 2008:
Miscarried the baby at 11 weeks 5 days. (Blighted ovum)
*November 2008:
Got pregnant again two months later.
*August 2009:
Gave birth to a healthy baby girl, Adaline, via c-section.
The length of time from stopping birth control to the birth of our daughter:
5 years 8 months
*September 2009:
Adaline weaned at 13 months old and we begin trying to conceive again using the Crinone.
*April 2011:
We’re 8 months into trying for another child.
*May 2011:
A blood test reveals that I’m not ovulating.
Started 50mg of Clomid on cycle days 3-7.
Start Crinone 8% on cycle day 15.
*May 27, 2011:
Postive Pregnancy Test! Baby due February 5, 2012!
*February 08, 2012:
Gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Jonathan, via unmedicated vbac.
*PRESENTLY*
We are done adding to our family unless God sees fit to bless us with a child that we aren’t *trying* to have. Our “trying” days are over now. We currently have no plans to adopt because I find motherhood to be very challenging, but we’re open to adopting in the future if we feel God leading us down that path.
*But if you want the whole story read…
+Part 1: The first 4 ½ years of our infertility struggle
+Part 2: My first Pregnancy
+Part 3: My Miscarriage
+Part 4: Conceiving after miscarriage
+Part 5: Secondary infertility after the birth of our daughter
+Part 6: TTC and Treatment for Secondary Infertility
+Part 7: Pregnant after Secondary Infertility
Related Posts:
*National Infertility Awareness Week
*Infertility Myth Busted: Just Relax
*Childless Mother: Infertility Poem
*Spring Ahead: Reflections on Miscarriage
*Celebrate Your Name Week: Jordan: Why we named the baby I miscarried
My Infertility Story (Part 5): Trying to Conceive and Secondary Infertility
April 24-April 30, 2011 is National Infertility Awareness Week and I’ll be sharing my infertility story with you.
Read The Short Version, or for the whole story read:
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5
Trying to Conceive: Take 3
Secondary Infertility
On August 04, 2008, 5 years and 8 months after stopping the birth control pill, after over 4 years of unexplained infertility, a miscarriage, and 2 hours of pushing, I gave birth via caesarean section to a beautiful, healthy 8lb 6oz baby girl…Adaline Rose.
Even after all of the years of not being able to get pregnant after getting pregnant back to back, we thought maybe we were done struggling. Maybe we’ll be able to get pregnant again when we want to. I never started taking the pill again. It had made me sick before and after all of the struggles that I had I didn’t feel comfortable ever taking the pill again. We used alternative methods of birth control including tracking my cycles online.
I was breastfeeding and continued to breastfeed until Adaline was 13 months old. My period started to come back when she was 4 months old and was back to normal by the time she was 6 months old. Aside from my periods being a little lighter everything appeared “back to normal”. In fact, because I had been tracking my cycles online for years, when I went to add in my first period after the birth I saw that my period came exactly when it would’ve come had I never gotten pregnant. My cycles were always very regular.
I wanted to wait until after Adaline’s first birthday to attempt conceiving again. I wanted to be certain to give my caesarean scars time to heal and I wanted to be done breastfeeding first (I completely support longer breastfeeding and tandem nursing, but considering our history with infertility, I thought weaning would be best). Sometime in August we stopped preventing pregnancy and by October we were using the ovulation calendar to make sure we had our days right 😉 The end of September I went to the OBGYN for a Pap smear and told her that we were ready to start trying again. She gave us a prescription for the Crinone and said that if we weren’t pregnant in 6 months to come back to see her.
Ouch 😦
In September I used a home ovulation predictor kit because I wanted to check and make sure I had started ovulating again. When using a OPK/OPT you pee on the stick every day until it detects your LH surge which then means you should be ovulating in the next 24 hours. Once you detect the surge you can stop peeing on the stick. My LH surge was detected exactly when the ovulation calendar said that it should be, but I decided to keep peeing on all of the sticks until they were gone…just in case. The tests detected a surge for 7 straight days! I’m not sure what that meant, but it didn’t make any difference because I didn’t get pregnant anyway.
Shortly after stopping breastfeeding, I noticed that my periods were off. They started coming 5 days to a week early and one month it was a day or two late. I’ve never been one to obsessively take pregnancy tests, because it can be a waste of money and emotionally draining. I usually wait to see if my period comes unless I’m experiencing a lot of symptoms. Because my periods were so weird I took pregnancy tests now and then just to be sure. They were always negative.
After 8 months of trying we had an appointment to see the OBGYN at the beginning of April 2011. She asked some questions and we answered them. I told her about my weird periods and that I’d taken ovulation tests two different months (September and March) and detected my LH surge. She didn’t see any reason to repeat any of the more invasive tests (endometrial biopsy, hysterosalpingogram) (yippy!), but she ordered up more blood work to make sure that I was ovulating and to check my thyroid (again) and she ordered another semen analysis for my husband.
Guess what is going in here!
A few days later my husband took his sample to the hospital and on Good Friday I went and had my blood work done. Once she has the test results the doctor is fairly certain that she’ll be starting me on Clomid. We have an appointment on May 3 and then, well, we’ll see…
*National Infertility Awareness Week
*Infertility Myth Busted: Just Relax
*Childless Mother: Infertility Poem
*Trying to Conceive: Take 1
*My First Pregnancy
*My Miscarriage
*Trying to Conceive: Take 2
*Trying to Conceive: Take 3 Secondary Infertility You are here!
*Spring Ahead: Reflections on Miscarriage
*Celebrate Your Name Week: Jordan: Why we named the baby we miscarried
My Infertility Story (Part 4): Trying to Conceive After Miscarriage
April 24-April 30, 2011 is National Infertility Awareness Week
and I’ll be sharing my infertility story with you.
Read The Short Version, or for the whole story read:
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5
TRYING TO CONCEIVE: Take 2
On 09/25/2008 I had an ultrasound that confirmed the complete miscarriage of our first child. A week later I got a call from the doctor and she said that she also noticed what looked like a cyst near my ovary on the ultrasound. She said that it could be one of several things.
1. It could be a normal cyst that would come and go with ovulation
2. It could be a benign growth or tumor
3. It could be endometriosis.
She said that what they usually do is wait 6 weeks and then do another ultrasound to see if the cyst goes away on its own and if it doesn’t they do a laparoscopy. The way that they check for endometriosis is through laparoscopy and it’s one of the few tests I hadn’t had done yet. The doctor said that since endometriosis can be an infertility problem and we were already having trouble then we can just have the laparoscopy done right away instead of 6 weeks later. We decided to wait because we were going to be switching practices where the staff included an infertility specialist.
Less than 2 weeks after talking to my first OB about the laparoscopy I had an appointment with a new OB (not the specialist) at a new practice. She had me get blood work done to check my ovulation and thyroid and recommended we have another ultrasound done to look at the cyst. She said that there’s much debate about the existence of Luteal Phase Defect and that the small lag that I was showing is not enough of a diagnosis. Our infertility remained unexplained. The doctor said that we could start trying to conceive again and use the Crinone.
Three weeks later we had begun ttc again and I had another transvaginal ultrasound done. The ultrasound showed a very small (less than an inch) cyst near my left ovary. The doctor said that it appeared to be normal and that she didn’t see any problems with it, but that she’d like to see it on another ultrasound in 6 weeks to make sure it hadn’t grown or changed. If the cyst still appeared to be normal then she would put me on Clomid. If I didn’t get pregnant after 6 months on the Clomid she would refer me to the infertility specialist. She said that all of my other tests looked fine.
Eleven days later on November 16, 2008 I was at church and I just felt weird. I was light headed, dizzy, and woozy, I didn’t know what was going on. My period was due that Thursday and I thought maybe I was having some period symptoms, although I’d never experienced anything like it before. When we got home from church my husband left for work and I was going to head over to my mom’s house. The weird feeling was still there and I just had to take a pregnancy test so that I could prepare myself if my period was coming. I took the pregnancy test and it looked like it was negative. Then I looked again, really close, and I could see a very faint second line! I called my husband, who was excited, but because the line was so faint he thought it might be a false positive. We tested again on Tuesday and on Thursday, both positive, and my period never came. We were pregnant! We never went on Clomid or had the laparoscopy done.
We called the doctor and told them that we were pregnant and that we had an ultrasound scheduled for December 16 and could we still keep the appointment to check the progress of the pregnancy. They said yes! Another transvaginal (ug!) ultrasound. On December 16 I was 7 weeks and 5 days along when we got to see our precious baby for the first time. We were so relieved to see the little heart beating. It was such a different feeling from seeing the empty sac during our first pregnancy.
On August 04, 2008, 5 years and 8 months after stopping the birth control pill, after over 4 years of unexplained infertility, a miscarriage, and 2 hours of pushing, I gave birth via caesarean section to a beautiful, healthy 8lb 6oz baby girl…Adaline Rose.
*National Infertility Awareness Week
*Childless Mother: Infertility Poem
*Trying to Conceive: Take 1
*My First Pregnancy
*My Miscarriage
*Trying to Conceive: Take 2 You are here!
*Trying to Conceive: Take 3 Secondary Infertility
*Spring Ahead: Reflections on Miscarriage
*Celebrate Your Name Week: Jordan: Why we named the baby we miscarried
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Fun and Dysfunction 