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Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!


This post is for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop #3.) A lie you told. I also linked up #5.) What was the occasion? Write about the last time you stayed in a hotel here.

I made a friend at school in Kindergarten. I think her name was Amber, but I’m not sure. One day I told Amber that I was going to be having a birthday party at Brady’s Run Park. I was not. What was actually going on was that our church was having the Sunday School Picnic at the park fairly close to my birthday. I knew that it wasn’t my birthday party…but I told her that anyway. I had forgotten all about it until we were at the Sunday School Picnic. Our family was at the shelter when a car pulled up. A little girl with a wrapped present got out of the car. Oops…busted! I had to tell my mom, and Amber, and her mom that I had lied about my birthday. I really don’t recall getting into a lot of trouble. In fact I remember our moms telling us that we could have a play date and maybe I could even ride the bus home with Amber one day (which was exciting for me because I was a “walker”). Then Amber and her mom got back into the car with the present and drove away. I don’t have any memories of Amber after that. I know that we never had our play date and sometime before the end of the year she moved away (probably to a place where people tell the truth). Amber did not come to my real birthday party that year. I’m not sure if it’s because we didn’t invite her, or if she just didn’t believe me, or if she had already moved away by then. I have absolutely no idea why I lied. It was very out of character for me. In fact while preparing for my Mommy’s Piggy Tales posts I asked my mom if she had any cute stories of me at this age. She told me that I was such a good girl all the time, I never did anything wrong, and there just isn’t anything funny about a little girl who’s always behaving herself.

The thing that I find weird about this story is…how did two 5 year old girls get the details right? How did I tell Amber the exact day, time, and place with shelter number to come to? How did she then relay that information to her mother…correctly? Why did her mom just take her to a birthday party without there being a written invitation and without speaking to my mother first? I have no idea! But aside from the lying, those were some great communication skills at work!

This post was originally included in the post Dancing in a box for my Mommy’s Piggy Tale series. That original post has been edited to create this new post.

My Piggy Tales:
*My Birth Story: I’m always late!
*Ages 3-5: Dancing in a box
*Age 5 Kindergarten: Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!
*Age 6 First Grade: There’s a bra in my lunchbox!
*Age 7 Second Grade: Bossy Wheels and Shady Deals
*Age 8 Third Grade: I will not talk in class
*Age 9 Fourth Grade: I didn’t really need those fingers anyway!
*Age 10 5th Grade: Nothing’s Scary in the Fifth Grade
*Age 11 6th Grade: Jenny Got Ran Over by her Grandma
*Age 12 7th Grade: Youth Camp Stinks
*Age 13 8th Grade: “Talent” Show
*Age 14 9th Grade: (N)O Christmas Tree
*Age 15 10th Grade: The Newsboys Wouldn’t Ditch Their Friends
*Age 16 11th Grade: Acrophobia Gets You the Good Seats
*Age 17 12th Grade: In School Suspension

My Young Adult Years
*Dreams and Aspirations: The Long Road There
*Friends and Fellowship: Friends Don’t Get Friends Grounded
*My First Job
*How I Met Cool Daddy Part 1
*How I Met Cool Daddy Part 2
*Colonel Mustard on a Rollercoaster with a Plastic Fork

You can find links to posts about my 1st-5th birthdays here: Celebrating 30 Years in 30 Days

Coolest Family on the Block is committed to helping you find creative ways to have fun and make memories with your family all year-long. Don’t miss an idea, tip, or trick…subscribe and have updates sent directly to your email!

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I sold my teacher what?!!!


This is for Mama’s Kat Writer’s Workshop prompt #4.) A time you felt wronged by a teacher. I had considered writing about this last year during my Mommy’s Piggy Tales series but thought it may be too scandalous for my nice, respectable, Mommy-blog and instead wrote about the time my grandma ran over my foot with the car. Still the story is begging to be told…

It was around March or April of 1991. I was in 6th grade. I was 11 years old. I had the misfortune of having the same math teacher two years in a row. He wasn’t all that bad and still I wasn’t very fond of him. Maybe because Math was my least favorite subject and my grades were slipping that year.


(Look at that face of innocence! And also that sa-weeeeet outfit ;))

Middle School was the time when we learned what “going together” was all about (sorta). Kids were “going together” and breaking up every week. “Going together” more than 2 weeks was rare and nearly unheard of during these formative years. I myself had already had one other “going together” and breaking up experience so far that year. Now I found myself “going with” another boy. I don’t remember much about our “relationship”. I don’t remember how we got together or how we broke up…I only remember that it happened and was, in the scheme of things, quite an uneventful period of time in my life. The only mention of the “relationship” in my diary was short, cryptic and written 3 months after the fact.

(Names were erased to protect the privacy of those mentioned in my diary ;))

There’s probably more I don’t remember about this experience than what I do remember and I regret that I can’t provide you with all of the compelling details. All I know is that the halls had recently emptied, I’m guessing that the bell was about to ring for the start of class. My boyfriend was in the hall with me and before he left he gave me a quick peck. I’m fairly certain that this was the first time that had happened, yet it happened so quickly it almost seemed routine. I’m not even sure the kiss hit my lips although I know it had intended to. Then he came walking up to me…my math teacher. Tall (in comparison to me), round, balding, and bearded he towered over me with his eyes narrowing at me through his round glasses. He informed me that he had just seen what had happened and would be calling my mother. I wanted to yell that he had kissed me and that I was the innocent victim of a hit and run (which was the truth), but I said nothing and walked with my head down, red-faced and embarrassed into class.

I don’t think my math teacher ever bothered calling my mother because she never talked to me about it, and believe me, she definitely would’ve talked to me about it. I suppose there was nothing to worry about, yet I still couldn’t help feeling embarrassed that my teacher thought me a naughty girl. In fact this very incident may have been what led to the ultimate demise of my “relationship” with Mr. Kiss-and-Run. I bet you’re thinking that this is rather a boring story and so far you’re right. Little did 11 year old me know the irony that awaited me 7 years later.

It was around September or October of 1998. I was 19 years old. I was working in the lingerie department of a very newly opened department store in the mall. Half of our department’s merchandise consisted of respectable sleepwear and robes, the other half of bras and panties and other foundations. Far from being Fredrick’s of Hollywood or even Victoria’s Secret we only carried a few racks of “special occasion” lingerie, otherwise known as…the sexy stuff.


(Me 1998, still the picture of innocence.)

Because the store had recently opened I was scheduled to work with several other cashiers, something that would be unheard of in the future as many resignations and lay-offs would occur. I was standing near the register talking with another girl when I happened to glance over towards the “special occasion” lingerie…
And then I saw him. Looking through the racks of sexy lingerie was my 5th-6th grade math teacher. He didn’t appear as tall since I was now (a little) taller than my 1991 counterpart, but he was still round (although perhaps more round), still balding (although more bald), still bearded (although more gray), and still wearing round glasses.

Before I had a chance to tell my co-worker and then flee from the scene…horror of all horrors he came walking up to the cash register. Suddenly I found myself alone. Where did my co-worker go so quickly?! I took my long hair and threw it in front of my face to hide my features and turned my name badge around to hide my name. I was hoping he would quickly purchase a nice tasteful negligee for his wife without recognizing me (I wasn’t sure whether or not he was married…nor did I care at the moment.). Well, he didn’t recognize me…at least he didn’t acknowledge that he recognized me. In fact I’m not sure he even looked directly at me as I’m sure he may have been quite embarrassed of himself. Embarrassed because, no…he was not in fact buying a nice tasteful negligee. Instead I found myself ringing up a pair of crotchless panties…in size 2XL…for my 6th grade math teacher! (*shudder*) Paying with a credit card confirmed my suspicions that it was indeed him. Aside from me mumbling the purchase total I’m quite sure that neither of us spoke during the whole transaction including any hellos or goodbyes.

He left and I pulled my hair back out of my face which was much redder than it had been 7 years ago in the hallway at school. Once I had a moment to recover from the horror of what had just happened, a smile broke across my face and I found myself wishing that I had his mother’s phone number…that naughty, naughty boy!

Other Writer’s Workshop Posts:
*07-13-11 A bad day: Oh, no he didn’t!
*07-13-11 Has your child thrown a temper tantrum in public?
Create a video describing what happened and how you handled it.
: And so it begins… (Video)
*07-06-11 A list of 10 old TV shows you’d like to make a comeback.: 10 Shows I’d Like to Make a Comeback
*06-15-11 Share a Summer Camp memory.: Youth Camp Stinks
*05-25-11 Write about a time you got in BIG trouble as a kid.
The Newsboys Wouldn’t Ditch Their Friends
*05-18-11 Describe a time when your child said or did something that made you laugh out loud.: Funny Things Adaline Says (Video)
*05-18-11 What was your big dream for yourself when you were 18 and had graduated from high school?: Dreams and Aspirations
*05-18-11 List ten favorite things about one of your favorite people.: 15 Reasons Why My Hubby is Awesome
*05-11-11 Write a love letter to someone (some thing?) you love.
The One That Got Away
*04-06-11 A rule I broke: In School Suspension

Coolest Family on the Block is committed to helping you find creative ways to have fun and make memories with your family all year-long. Don’t miss an idea, tip, or trick…subscribe and have updates sent directly to your email!

Funny Things Adaline Says


Adaline is 21 months old and she talks a lot. I mean a lot. Most of the time we understand her, sometimes we don’t. I can’t really say that she says funny things, she’s maybe a little too young for that. But a lot of things she says happen to strike me as funny because of the way that she says them or pronounces the words.

I recorded one video of Adaline talking about how a goat bit her finger at our trip to the animal park (post coming later). She said a few funny things and was trying to eat her foot and I was laughing the whole time I recorded it and then the camera just shut off :(. So, I turned it back on and recorded some more (the second video below) and then we downloaded them to watch. Imagine my surprise when I find out that the reason why the camera shut off the first time was because it wasn’t recording at all 😦 So I turned it on again and tried all over again, but she wasn’t so much in the mood for it and it’s not as funny as the first imaginary video was. You’ll just have to take my word for it.

So, anyway, here are 8 thrilling minutes (4 each) of me trying to get Adaline to repeat some of the “funny” phrases she says off camera. Enjoy.
(If you are reading this in an email or feed you will need to click over to the blog or click here or here to view the videos.)

A Goat Bit My Finger:


Let’s Talk About the Easter Bunny:

Oh, and she never did say what left green footprints in our kitchen! Maybe next time.

More (funny?) videos of Adaline:
*Happy Mother’s Day: A rousing rendition of “3 Little Fishies”
*Attack of the Giant Baby
*A long trip down Bunnylane: A long wordy post about our visit with the Easter Bunny…but I promise there’s a video at the end 😉
*And so it begins…: The child sassed me, and I recorded it

I’m linking this up to Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop
Vlog: 6.) Describe a time when your child said or did something that made you laugh out loud. I also linked up #1 here and #5 here

Coolest Family on the Block is committed to helping you find creative ways to have fun and make memories with your family all year-long. Don’t miss an idea, tip, or trick…subscribe and have updates sent directly to your email!

Age 17 12th Grade: In School Suspension


This is the 14th and final post in a 12 week series joining
Mommy’s Piggy Tales to record my youth!

I’m also linking this up to Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop
2.) A rule I broke. Note that the other links embedded in my first paragraph are also of the same topic so you’ll want to check those out. I never realized how many rules I’d broken until I started writing about my childhood!

1996-1997
12th Grade
In School Suspension

While sharing my “Piggy Tales” with you, I’ve repeatedly said what a good, compliant, obedient, child I was and how I never got in to any trouble. I’m not sure if you believe me now after reading about how I lied about my birthday, took my bra off at school, tricked my friends out of their money, wouldn’t stop talking in class, ditched my friend to go to a concert, and got grounded at age 19. As if that wasn’t enough evidence already that perhaps I wasn’t exactly the angel I claimed to be, I shamefully present to you I.S.S. …

In 12th Grade at the young innocent age of 17 I got sent to In School Suspension after showing up to school late several times the first semester. I was particularly upset about this because I was supposed to be teaching a lesson in our dance/choreography class that day while we had a substitute. My sister and I were put in a room with other students and all of the desks were butted up against the wall. In my anger, frustration, and boredom I wrote the following letter to the people in charge. I apologize in advance for the ridiculous excuses you will read herein including my opinion that extra curricular activities are more important than education. I read this letter now, and while I smile at myself for my all too familiar sarcasm and humor obvious in this letter that I seemed trademarked for at even such a young age, I also roll my eyes in disgust at my own blatant stupidity. Enjoy.

To Whom it May Concern, 11-15-96

Do you want to know where I am right now? I’m in I.S.S. Skipping, smoking, bad conduct…no, of course not! I was late for school. I’m a good kid. I get above average grades, I’m involved in plenty of afterschool activities, not to mention being Captain of the Dance Line and Vice-President of the Bible Club. I’ve gotten detention a few times but only because I was late. You can ask any of my teachers, I’m a good kid. So why am I in I.S.S.? It’s not like I was late because I was outside smoking, or flushing some kids head down the toilet. Sometimes the alarm clock doesn’t go off and my mom doesn’t wake me up. An alarm clock is not enough motivation to get me to get up early and come here every day. My mom has to get up before she should to make sure my sister and I get driven to school every day. Sometimes the car doesn’t start or it gets stuck in the snow. Sometimes you just can’t get out of bed because you were studying till 3:00am, who can get by with only 3 hours of sleep? I have to. There is always a test, homework, a report to do. And for me I have extra things to do, make up dance routines, studying lines for the play, go over music for District Chorus, practice my flute, occasionally make up a lesson for Bible Club. You think those things won’t keep you up till 3 in the morning? They do if you want to be good. If you want good grades, if you want to put on a good show. And I know that I’m not the only busy person in this school. There are other people that are at dance or play practice till 5:00. When you come home hot and exhausted and you hadn’t eaten since noon. And there are practices for other things that I’m not involved in. I’m sure that many athletes and the cheerleaders can relate to what I’m saying. There are people involved in very active clubs such as FBLA, SADD, Usher’s Club, and Student Council. School isn’t easy. Maybe for someone who is just a brainiac and isn’t involved in anything, maybe for someone who was just born with an I.Q. higher than what most people weigh, maybe for someone who is just a punk and doesn’t care. But what about those of us who are split down the middle by activities and schoolwork. If it came down to picking one over the other I would pick the activities. But it doesn’t work that way, you have to maintain a 2.5 or above or you can not participate in those activities. So what am I going to do? Blow off my school work and go to bed early? Blow off my activities and come home after school? Create a device to dump water over my head and toss me out of bed every morning? Keep the car running all night long so that it’s heated and ready for school every morning? Or the most sensible thing, pack my bags and go live in the L.G.I. High school kids lead busy lives and most of us don’t want to give up the things that make us busy. What I’m asking for is some understanding when we walk into the attendance office and use a cheap excuse like “my alarm clock didn’t go off”, just think they might be telling the truth. I think everyone should be happy that we come to school at all. We don’t get paid to come here. Our reward is a good report card, good performance, and for some it’s making it through and getting the heck outta here. But none of those things come easily, they all require long, late nights and early mornings, 6 hours cramped up in a desk (without bathroom privileges, but that’s another letter). Why do we get punished for making an effort? When I know I’m going to be late I could just stay home, but I don’t. But when I come to school, I miss class anyway. Instead of making the effort and coming to class I get locked up in here. I’m writing this while one kid’s unconscious, drooling down his arm, another one has been staring at the wall and not blinking for the past hour, one that I’m pretty sure had cat for breakfast, one that I’m pretty sure ate my notebook during the bathroom break, one that is going through a nicotine fit, and one I could’ve sworn went to school with my dad. But don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to stereotype I.S.S. students. After all, I’m one myself now. But not all kids in I.S.S. are wearing stolen license plates for earrings, even “A” students with active social lives deserve it sometimes. But not for being late. No one should get I.S.S. for being late, even the kid that ate my notebook (I forgive him.). Let’s face it, it’s a stupid rule. And I’m not upset because this is going on my permanent record or anything. It’s because I have things to do. I have to be in class. Now all I have is more work to keep me up late again. That’s okay because I wonder if I come back tomorrow…would that kid still be staring at the wall? I seriously think this rule should be changed. Not just for me but for the poor boy who was late because his cat wasn’t cooked in time, I’d rather be late than hungry too. Why do you think all these kids are late in the morning? How many possible “bad” things could someone do in the morning to make them one minute late. Are you worried because they might be late because they were smoking or something? Well then, take care of the problem before it comes into school, not afterward. I shouldn’t have I.S.S. because of someone else’s cigarette. I think I’ve made my point. This rule has been bugging me for awhile and I finally decided to do something about it. I’m going to try my hardest to abolish all rules that get good kids in trouble (or bad kids that really didn’t do anything wrong). Maybe it won’t work but I have to try. If there is anyone that agrees to changing or banishing the “late” rule, please see me to sign a petition. I may even get in more trouble because of this but too bad! If there are any other rules that you think should be changed, we can try! So please think long and hard about this and then see one of the following people to sign a petition. I appreciate the time you took out to read my novel. I’ll be autographing free copies in the Commons Area during…just kidding!

Thank you,
Jenn

I never did show this letter to anyone as far as I know. The process of writing the letter, starting out upset and ending with humor, ended up being therapy enough for me. I never did get I.S.S. again, but I can’t say that I learned my lesson. I’m still late. A lot. And I tend to procrastinate too, which is probably why I posted 6 weeks worth of “Piggy Tales” in 3 days (just in time to link up before the series ended).

Oh well. Some people just never learn.

Thank you so much for joining me on my Piggy Tales journey. I’ve so enjoyed sharing (some of) my stories with you and I hope that you enjoyed reading them 🙂 If you’re interested in reading about the shenanigans I got into after high school, scroll down and check out the 6 links under “My Young Adult Years”.

To the other ladies participating in Session 2, I’ve loved reading your stories (up to 5th grade) and I have a lot of catching up to do…but I will get around to reading all of them. Thanks for sharing!

*My 17th Birthday

My Piggy Tales:
*My Birth Story: I’m always late!
*Ages 3-5: Dancing in a box
*Age 6 First Grade: There’s a bra in my lunchbox!
*Age 7 Second Grade: Bossy Wheels and Shady Deals
*Age 8 Third Grade: I will not talk in class
*Age 9 Fourth Grade: I didn’t really need those fingers anyway!
*Age 10 5th Grade: Nothing’s Scary in the Fifth Grade
*Age 11 6th Grade: Jenny Got Ran Over by her Grandma
*Age 12 7th Grade: Youth Camp Stinks
*Age 13 8th Grade: “Talent” Show
*Age 14 9th Grade: (N)O Christmas Tree
*Age 15 10th Grade: The Newsboys Wouldn’t Ditch Their Friends
*Age 16 11th Grade: Acrophobia Gets You the Good Seats
*Age 17 12th Grade: In School Suspension

My Young Adult Years
*Dreams and Aspirations: The Long Road There
*Friends and Fellowship: Friends Don’t Get Friends Grounded
*My First Job
*How I Met Cool Daddy Part 1
*How I Met Cool Daddy Part 2
*Colonel Mustard on a Rollercoaster with a Plastic Fork

Coolest Family on the Block is committed to helping you find creative ways to have fun and make memories with your family all year-long. Don’t miss an idea, tip, or trick…subscribe and have updates sent directly to your email!